it's hard when they sleep in your room

isaiah still sleeps in our room, we have a three story home, and our room is at the top... there are two rooms on the main floor that are bella and isaac's... so he hasn't gone into "sharing" his room with isaac, since he's the third child and we haven't had to go through what that might be like, it's been late in coming... but him being in OUR room, is getting old... isaiah hasn't learned that when he wakes up in the middle of the night, he simply has to go back to bed... he's learned that someone will go and address his need (give him a pacifier or bottle)... this has made uninterrupted sleep very difficult and it's draining and kinda old... i would like to move him out... but there's still this part of me that wonders if it's okay.... i struggle... and so i can hear him crying instead of sleeping, currently, and am pretty sure all he wants is a bottle, which.....isn't a need, but a habit...



i had an episode with isaac the other night... where i made a grilled cheese sandwich and was determined to MAKE him eat it... needless to say, it was a set up for a battle of wills, but i lost, ultimately, and he got a dose of mean mommy that scared him.. for no real reason... i was saddened by the experience and have resolved to not do that again... isaac eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.. i mean... ONLY pb and j..... this child of mine lives off of them, and not much else.. oh, juice and milk... and lately he must not be going through any growth cause his hunger has tapered off.. out of sheer frustration i tried to MAKE him eat a sandwich he simply would not... fear is an awful motivator to make kids behave... it is destructive in the long run (they get at an age where they are awakened to the truth that NO ONE can MAKE them do anything, then what do you have left?) and even though i KNOW this...it's amazing to me that i'll still try using it... i can give no logical reason to why the showdown had to occur, other than i am out of other methods... i've resolved to let him be, with the eating, and simply reward his sister when she eats her sandwich entirely with candy (good ole m&m's) in front of him... it is heartbreaking to him to not get them also, but he still refuses to finish his half of a sandwich... i count it as a lesson learned, and am hoping for both our sakes, that i don't repeat it...

isaiah got his bottle last night, and i put him to bed in our walk in closet which has a door that i can close on him, so that only the loudest of screams awaken me... and so, last night we slept very well...i heard him at 5:30, but i went back to sleep and eventually so did he... until 8:30... i woke up in a rested mood and that is NICE...

the weather is lousy, with rain, more rain, and wind with a dash of very cold... it reminds me of winter's in portland... nostalgic, but i'd still rather it be nice... 2 kids napping, and the third will go down in a half an hour, then i'll be napping as well, i'm tired today, which is the norm, and i'm wondering what i can do to NOT feel exhausted so much... is it my diet? ugh, whatever it is, i'm tired of being tired...

the house is quiet and i'm soaking it in... i love naps.. love them, i say.. i love alone, me time.. before the kids, there were so many times in the day where i was bored, now i welcome the silent times, that i can read or nap, or be on the computer... i have a full week of lunches with friends and activities going on and i'm looking forward to it... but for now, i'm going to go put isaiah down and nap... night